


Big Men Cry

by pajamabees



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred does dangerous stunts but he doesn't get hurt, Germerica - Freeform, Ludwig his paranoid he will though, M/M, england is mentioned yet again sorry folks, gerame - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 20:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15421311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pajamabees/pseuds/pajamabees
Summary: A long car ride with England in the driver's seat and America jumping out of cars is enough to push Ludwig over the edge.





	Big Men Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Someone said they wanted to see an argument between Alfred and Ludwig, where Ludwig breaks down into angry tears. So...here's my attempt at that.

The hotel room’s door slammed shut--not hard enough to shake the walls or bring attention to any neighbors, but just enough to get it across that Ludwig wasn’t happy.

Not happy in the slightest.

“Why did you do that?”

Alfred didn’t even turn around at the question as he unzipped his suitcase. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re mad,” he said, unpacking his clothes and setting them on the bed to put in the dresser later. He organized them by article of clothing--piling pants on top of pants, and shirts on top of shirts. A curse slipped from his lips; he just remembered he forgot to grab some ties.

“Alfred,” Ludwig said, annoyed that Alfred was barely paying attention, “You jumped out of a moving car.” His eyebrows scrunched together when Alfred shrugged and continued unpacking with his back turned to him.

“Arthur was annoying me! And besides, I’m sure his reaction was worth it.” Alfred laughed at the memory of Arthur screaming in horror as he opened the car door and rolled out. That old geezer deserved it; he never knew when to stop pestering. Hopefully the next time Alfred threatened to jump, Arthur would believe him.

“It wasn’t,” Ludwig said in a low tone that finally caught Alfred’s attention. The man turned around, noticing by now how Ludwig stood unamused by the door, his suitcase still tightly within his grasp. Alfred simply smiled and sauntered towards him.

“Aw, Ludwig. Please don’t be angry. I knew I was gonna be fine. I’m super strong!” Once he was face to face with Ludwig, he wrapped his arms around his waist and lifted him off the ground with complete ease. “See?” he giggled into the chest pressed against his cheek, “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Ludwig was unresponsive in his arms, still holding onto his suitcase which was airborne along with him. His arms were stiff, and when his feet were back on the ground, he moved passed Alfred towards the side of the bed that didn’t have piles of clothes on it.

Alfred blinked owlishly. “Ludwig? Hey, seriously, there’s no reason to be mad.”

Now it was Ludwig who was unpacking, but in a more aggressive manner as he turned the tables on Alfred and refused to look up.

“There absolutely is a reason to be mad at your boyfriend for throwing himself in danger for no reason other than spite.” His words were sharp and cold, like stones pelting towards a specific target. That target being Alfred, who was more than a little confused by Ludwig’s mood. He watched Ludwig literally tear his clothes out of the suitcase with a tilt of his head.

“But I said I was fine.” And he was fine. If anything, he was just dirty. He didn’t understand what Ludwig was being so pissy about, and to be quite honest, his uncalled for attitude was beginning to down his own.

The bed rattled when Ludwig suddenly slammed a heap of perfectly folded slacks onto the mattress. “Yes, I know you are fine,” he said, and Alfred was not a fan of his condescending tone, “There is not one scratch on your pretty little head.”

That statement was the embodiment of sarcasm, and it was pulling on some pretty tight strings Alfred didn’t think he would have to deal with today.

He crossed his arms. “What’s your problem?”

Ludwig looked up, and their gazes finally met in a challenge. “My problem is that you jumped out of a car.”

“Yeah, so?”

Icy eyes squinted into a glare. “What do you mean, _so_?”

“Exactly that,” Alfred retorted a little too quickly, and he almost took a step back at the murderous glower that could probably shoot knives if Ludwig willed it.

Alfred breathed in through his teeth, trying to calm his own growing temper that he knew could get out of control. “Look,” he hissed, holding his hands up as if he was trying to appease a wild beast, “I said I was fine. I’m not hurt. Okay?”

Ludwig’s glare didn’t let up. If anything, it only increased in intensity. “That is not the point.”

The patience Alfred just tried to summon collapsed almost immediately, crashing into a pit of smoldering fire that latched itself onto it and grew at explosive speed.

“Then what is it?” he nearly shrieked out of frustration. If it wasn’t about what happened in the car, then what were they even arguing about? Sometimes Ludwig drove him up a wall when he expected Alfred to read his mind. Alfred could only read what was on the outside! And he wasn’t even an expert on that yet.

The poor pair of socks clenched in Ludwig’s fists were thrown to the ground with a soft thud.

“When you do stunts like that, what am I supposed to do?”

Easy question. “Uhm, nothing.”

That snarky answer nearly popped one of Ludwig’s blood vessels.

“I’m just supposed to sit and watch you hurt yourself, then?” Ludwig’s voice was close to a bellow now, deep and loud--the beginnings of an earthquake.

“You can’t stop me from doing what I want, so yes. And I’m not hurting myself. I told you, _I’m fine_.” How many times did Alfred have to say that before it finally got through Ludwig’s thick skull?

Ludwig clenched his jaw, his face reddening. “I am not trying to keep you from doing what you want, Alfred. I am simply saying that it would be nice if you took better care of yourself.”

“Better care of myself?” Alfred sputtered incredulously, his tone rising in pitch. “You just said you didn’t see any scratches on my ‘pretty little head’, and you’re right: there aren’t any. So stop acting like you’re my parent or something. I don’t need you to take care of me, nor give me advice. I take care of myself pretty damn good.”

Those words stung immensely, and Ludwig dug his nails into the bed’s comforter. Alfred not needing him was something he never, ever wanted to hear, and it hurt. It also made him very angry.

“No,” he sneered, “You do not know how to care for yourself. You only know how to play around with luck.” Ludwig accentuated every syllable, spitting them out in a fit of rage. Alfred balked, his eyes wide for a split second before narrowing. He stomped forward, until only the queen-sized bed was between them.

“I’m not some kind of idiot, Ludwig!”

“I did not say you were!”

“I know my limits! I’m a strong nation, I know what I can handle!”

“So you are just going to wander around recklessly because you think you are strong?”

“I don’t _think_ I’m strong, I _know_ I’m strong!”

“Well I’m NOT!”

The outburst cracked the tense air around them straight down the middle, and Alfred took a step back, as if he had just been hit with an invisible force.

Ludwig’s shoulders tensed up, and he scrunched his eyes shut as his face radiated heat. He didn’t mean for the argument to turn into a shouting match, but carpooling with Arthur for two whole hours while he did nothing but bicker, constantly poking everyone’s nerves with a short stick, wore him out. And to witness Alfred roll out of the car on top of that? It rubbed him the wrong way, and nothing but raw emotion had built up since then. And to hear Alfred say he didn’t need him just now, along with the reminder of just how strong Alfred was, hit one of Ludwig’s biggest insecurities so hard, it was no wonder he could feel hot tears well up.

“I’m not as strong as you, Alfred,” he said, attempting to hide his face by keeping his head down. He kept his eyes clenched, willing the tears he knew were coming to stay put.

Alfred, on the other hand, stood stockstill, not moving an inch.

“Ludwig….” he said, anger no longer present in his voice, “What does that have to do-”

“Because I can’t protect you!” Ludwig interrupted him with another outburst, and this time he couldn’t help the way his voice cracked. He was trying to keep the tears from falling, he really was, but a lone drop fell onto the bed, and he knew then that he wouldn’t be able to stop. “I can’t protect you if I’m not strong.”

The way he sniffled broke Alfred’s heart. He wasn’t sure where this was all coming from, but he quickly rushed to Ludwig’s side. He grabbed a shoulder, softly so as to not scare the big man. “Babe, what are you talking about?” he asked in a quiet tone, “It’s not your job to protect me.”

Ludwig shook his head, pieces of his gelled-back hair flying loose.

“But I want to!” he cried out, “I want to protect you.” He covered his face with his hands, as if he was still trying to filter the words he no longer had any authority over. “I love you, and I want you to be safe--I want to be able to make you feel safe.”

His shoulders began to shake then, and Alfred wrapped his arms around them. “But you do make me feel safe,” he assured with a whisper, rubbing circles along Ludwig’s quivering back.

“How?” Ludwig suddenly wailed into his own hands, finally breaking into uncontrollable blabber, “How, when you constantly go places that I can’t? When you put yourself in situations that exceed my limitations? It makes me feel like I am not-” he paused, rubbing his eyes almost viciously with the heel of his hands, as if to force his tears back into their ducts, “That--that I am not enough for you.” The last part came out in sobs, heart-wrenching sobs that twisted Alfred’s gut painfully. Tears welled up in his own eyes, but Ludwig continued before he had a chance to reply.

“You are always doing something reckless, and I can’t always keep up. I am not stronger than you, I am not faster than you. I don’t--I don’t want to hold you back, nor control you. But I can’t keep up. I-I can’t…. I can’t-”

And suddenly all Ludwig could do was cry, and he turned in Alfred’s arms to bury his tear-streaked face into Alfred’s chest. Alfred immediately embraced him, not too tight to make him feel trapped, but just enough to keep him grounded. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into Ludwig’s hair, running his fingers through his blond locks.

“Why did you jump out of the car?” Ludwig’s sobs were muffled and nearly incoherent as he clawed at the back of Alfred’s shirt and pressed his face further into his sternum, “Why would you do that? What if you got hit? What if a truck swerved and the cargo fell on top of you? I wouldn’t--I wouldn’t be able to pick it up-” He continued to ramble on restlessly as he wept over everything that made him paranoid, soaking Alfred’s shirt.

“I know, I know,” Alfred hushed him, squeezing him just a little bit tighter as his own tears began to fall, “I won’t do it again. Never ever, I promise. Okay? I promise.”

Ludwig peeled his face from Alfred’s shirt to look up at him with possibly the saddest blue eyes Alfred had ever seen. “But I want you to be able to do what you want. I shouldn’t be controlling you,” he hiccuped, and Alfred cupped his face, wiping under his eyes with his thumbs.

“No, no, no. You’re not controlling me, okay? You never control me.” He brought his face closer to Ludwig’s to steal his gaze, “Okay?” Ludwig slowly nodded, and Alfred gave him a tender smile. “It was stupid of me to do, anyway.”

Ludwig sniffled. “It was stupid….”

The laugh that burst from Alfred’s mouth was light and airy, immediately brightening the mood. “How about we lie down for a bit?” he asked, gently taking Ludwig’s hands into his own, “Then we can talk about it a little bit more later. Sound good?”

Ludwig nodded, and they lightly bumped foreheads. They stayed connected like that for a few seconds, holding hands and keeping their eyes closed as they breathed in simultaneously. Ludwig felt like a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders, the tornado of emotions dispersing until he only felt tired. And even that was taken care of as Alfred urged him to lie down on the bed.

Ludwig immediately clung to him once they were settled, nestling his face in the crook of Alfred’s neck. He didn’t even mind the mess of clothes near his feet as Alfred peppered his head with feather-like kisses, reassuring Ludwig that even if he felt like he wasn’t capable of protecting the love of his life, the love of his life would never stop protecting him. 


End file.
